Love, Lily
by lovesickjily
Summary: From first kisses to first crushes, James and Lily have always been inseparable growing up. Now thousands of miles apart, they struggle to fight hidden feelings and to keep everything the way it all used to be. aka the Love, Rosie au that no one asked for (with my own major alterations ofc and multichap)
1. Chapter 1

_after scouring netflix for a new watch, a conversation with the lovely marieka, and feeling the sudden need to write a chldhood friends to lover fic, this story was born. i hope you all enjoy 3_

* * *

_July 1, 2008_

The best letter in the alphabet, as James Potter had always explained to both willing and unwilling listeners, was clearly none other than the wonderful _x_.

Poor, and oftentimes misunderstood, the letter _x_ was always so overshadowed by its other fellow letters, always less favoured when it came to spelling out common words. But really, who wanted to be a boring old letter used over and over for equally boring words like 'big' and 'sad' and 'bad'? When it came to the letter _x_, no shits were given, and in retaliation for its improper treatment by everyday folk, it stuck itself in the coolest, most random places like Mexico, because why _not?_

_X'_s stood for hugs, which James really bloody enjoyed giving and receiving, whether it finished off a personalised letter from someone or was the physical sort of hugs. They were sweet little gestures, albeit he _did _admit that the insane amount of times that his mother had suffocated him with sickening mother-loves-son hugs were almost near enough to make him regret his letter of choice.

_Almost _was the key word there.

In times of complete boredom, _x_ came to the rescue, saving children dying of a slow and dreadful death through the means of the game that was Tic Tac Toe. And everyone who played Tic Tac Toe _always _wanted to play as the _x_ and not as the _o_.

_X_ was a quintessential part of the life-sucking subject known as algebra. As much as James claims to hate math, he can't stop himself from taking on a good challenge that came from solving for _x._

_X_ was a necessary component in a person's sex— which _also _had an _x_ in its name— and _everyone _knew that the superior sex— females, who James thought were really bloody cool— had not one, but _two x's_.

And, as he stared down at the paper in his hands, _x_'s marked the spot on a treasure map.

Staring at the map in his hands— James had embarrassingly spent an entire afternoon drawing it up— he knew that they were close to the end now. James had already led his accomplice through murky waters (the muddy puddles that had come from yesterday's rain), a No Man's Land (his dirty bedroom floor), and even past dangerous foes (the neighbour's terrifying chihuahua).

It didn't stop his friend from speaking her mind whenever she felt the need to.

"I don't exactly understand why _you _of all people have the need to search for treasure," Lily Evans remarked beside him, and her use of a word with the _x _didn't pass him. "Unless the X marks where your parents' trust fund is? Are we going to the bank?"

James rolled his eyes in amusement. "I don't think I'd put in all this effort for an _errand. _This, by all means, is no ordinary treasure map."

"Because it was written on a piece of paper you filched from your dad's office?" she asked sweetly.

"_Because," _he corrected her, "It doesn't hold money or any of that sort of value."

And it was true.

There was no reason to tempt the least materialistic person in the world, and the fact that she'd willingly tagged along meant that she enjoyed his company enough to put up with his shenanigans.

"That's fair enough," Lily said, her hair escaping from her loose ponytail, and she brushed it from her face. "Where do we go next, then?"

He looked down at his map, noting the directions and squinting at his barely legible handwriting. "To the park."

"And that's where the treasure is at?"

"You don't really think I'd take you treasure hunting when the park's bustling with loads of people, do you?"

"Of course not," she answered. "James Potter knows better hiding spots than somewhere so public."

"Prepare to be disappointed, then, because we're going to the park."

Lily laughed, a sound that he revelled in hearing, especially when he was the reason behind it. "Never any disappointment in going to the park."

"Good. I dunno what I'd have done if you suddenly wanted to leave."

"And left you all alone with the treasure? Not likely, James Potter."

"Well, _shit. _There goes my plan," he said sarcastically.

The sun had been grinning at the two of them, but for every second they spent outside, its innocent rays only became more sinister as it beamed down on the two of them. This 'treasure' that James had planned was the perfect solution to the scorching hot summer bestowed upon the two of them.

Soon, they were met with the sight of children swinging on the swing sets and climbing the monkey bars, all of which James and Lily had been part of just a few years ago. They _still _found themselves on the very heart of the playground occasionally, but today, James had other plans than to kick it at the slides.

"What's the move now, _Captain?"_

"Right…" he began, stepping forward to the tall oak tree standing proudly in the center of the park. "Here."

In front of the tree was an ice chest, planted very carefully with the begrudging help of one Sirius Black, who James had hired— _forced, _more like— to sit watch somewhere nearby with the promised incentive of a share of the chest's contents. It seemed Sirius had held true to his part of the deal, sitting guard atop a lounge chair that he'd taken from James' house and looking, for the most part, unbothered.

"Couldn't bury it, seeing as that's a bit illegal," James said once Lily's eyes had fallen up the supposed treasure, painted to look like a real treasure chest rather than an ice chest that he'd filched from the garage. It wasn't like anyone was going to _miss _it, especially when a quick stop at the store would easily replace it.

"A bit?" she laughed, already moving towards it, and she looked back at him with her hands clutching the top of the chest. "Shall we open it together?"

He nodded with a grin. Together, they pulled off the lid, revealing none other than the much-needed solution to cool off: _popsicles. _Granted, James probably could have saved the two of them their precious time by just letting her have some at the house, but that wouldn't have been anywhere close to the small adventure that they had together.

"Oh my goodness!" she shrieked in delight, and she reached down to grab her favourite flavour. "I don't know what I expected, but this is so much better than anything else I would have thought it'd be."

"Worth the heat?"

"_Nothing _is worth the heat," she answered, taking a bite of her popsicle. "But everything is worth being your best friend."

Maybe it was the sun, but something about her words made him feel warm inside.

* * *

_April 2, 2009_

As soon as the first spring flower blossomed, Lily always dragged James down to the fields to appreciate the coming of a new spring season.

They were careful to step over and not _on _an ant pile, sitting down on a bed of grass and making sure to not suffocate any flowers. Lily could feel the soft morning dew setting beneath her thighs, but she wasn't bothered by it. Rather, she quite liked the sensation of the bare earth, like she had the world at her feet and nature on her toes.

And while Lily enjoyed the sight of the plethora of lovely flowers, James liked to… build mudcastles. He put Michelangelo to shame, creating his own rendition of the _David, _only with a _bit _more emphasis on one particular aspect of David's. She should have been exasperated at his immaturity, but hanging out with James Potter for so long only made her feel amusement instead.

"Are you having fun there?" she giggled, and he smushed it down in one quick motion at her words.

"Oh, you know it."

"Well, don't let me ruin your fun," she responded, reaching over to write her name and then a smiley face into the mud. "We can only be kids for so long."

"We still _are _kids," he protested, and he held up the ruins of the appendage that he was so keen to making. "The day that I'm taller than you will be the day that we're not kids anymore."

"And if you get a growth spurt tomorrow?"

"Still follows my logic," he replied, and he uprooted an innocent flower, twirling it in his fingers before sticking it in place of the dot on the "i" of her name. "Besides, you don't really think I'll get tall _that _soon, do you?"

Lily shrugged, sitting back and casting her eyes towards the clouds, stopping on one that somewhat resembled the shape of a rabbit. "Anything's possible. It's got to happen someday, right?"

He merely stared at her before scoffing dramatically. "You're giving me false hope, Evans."

She tilted her head at him. "Then I'm not exactly sure what you want me to say? I'm not going to tell you you're perfect the way you are— which you _are, _by the way— but we both know that you'd like to be a lot taller."

"It _would _be a major boost for my self-confidence."

"Confidence that you've got an _insane _amount of," she added, and he rolled his eyes, playfully throwing a daffodil at her.

"You know girls like tall blokes."

"Do they?" she asked with a raise of her eyebrow. "Speaking as a girl myself, I really don't care how tall or short a boy is."

"You don't count. You're— you're not like the others. You're… special. And I reckon that you look at, I dunno, a boy's heart or some shit like that."

"Smooth," she responded dryly, and she smiled quizzically at him. "Does this mean there's a certain girl you're trying to impress?"

As if it was an automatic response, his eyes tinged redder than the flowers on the field. It wasn't something that was _too _rare, seeing as his mum seemed to have tendencies to embarrass him in front of her, but to see this reaction from just mentioning a _girl… _well, it was a cute look on him.

"No comment," he finally said, scratching the back of his ear awkwardly.

"Saying 'no comment' is a comment." She turned over onto her stomach, propping her elbows on the dirt and leaning her head in her hands. "Who is it? Melisa Frey?"

James didn't have to answer. The reddening of his cheeks did all the talking for him. "Fuck off, Lily."

Keeping the smile on her face, she said, "She's pretty. You don't have to be embarrassed, you know. I'm not going to judge you."

"Easier said than done," he replied, tugging harshly at a knot of grass. "You don't fancy anyone."

"No," she agreed, and she sat back up, wiping her dirty hands on the back of her shirt. "Boys our age still pick their noses and think Axe is a perfect substitute for a shower."

"Good point." James grimaced. "I wouldn't fancy any of the guys our age either."

He spread his legs out, and she used that to her advantage, laying down so that her head rested atop of his thighs. "We need a plan."

"A plan?" he repeated, shifting so that they were both more comfortable.

"For you to get a date with Melisa?"

"Oh. Nah," he said simply, and she tilted her head backwards to gauge him properly. "She's dating some other bloke right now. I'll just… wait it out, I reckon. Don't really fancy being a homewrecker."

Lily laughed, and the smallest drop of water hitting her cheek indicated that the clouds had enough for the day. "Waiting out is a good idea. To an extent. What if they never break up and get married on a beach instead?"

"They won't last," he told her reassuringly, and Lily watched another drop fall, this time splashing on his left leg. "What are the odds that you'll get married to someone you've known since you were kids? Wouldn't you, I dunno, get sick of them after a while?"

"It could happen," Lily replied, and she observed the clouds getting darker with each passing second before turning her gaze back to James. She smiled at him teasingly. "Who knows, maybe _we'll _end up married to each other."

James merely stared at her with a serious expression, not saying a word, and, like it was practiced, they both burst into laughter.

It was a _ridiculous _thought_. _To walk down the aisle with James— with _anyone, _for that matter— made her laugh. As much as she craved for romance, to fall head over heels in love, she couldn't imagine herself with most of the boys her age. Not right now, at least.

And, like the sky was laughing along with them, the pelts of rain became more vicious now.

What had started out as a small little leak had picked up as a sudden downpour now.

"But probably not," she admitted, and she pulled off of his legs.

He stood up, offering a hand out to her. "Let's go, or Mum will scream her head off about how I got you sick."

Maybe it was all of that talk, but his hand felt warm when she clasped it.

* * *

_September 8, 2009_

James flopped down onto the soft pink duvet.

Met with the sweet, lingering smell of green apples hovering in the sheets, James knew it could have only come from the girl lying beside him, who was notorious for her use of such a scented shampoo.

"Suzy bloody Harper won't stop taking her eyes off of me whenever I see her," James declared to her as soon as his head hit the pillow, and his glasses were knocked askew at his sudden contact with the bed. He pushed them up his nose with slightly more force than necessary, silently cursing his shit vision.

"Is that a good thing, then?" she asked him, and he rolled over to look at her. Red, green, and blue. The primary colours that she wore went to show how much of a primary person she was in his life— she _was,_ after all, his best friend— but he reckoned that right now, the blue pajamas that she wore only made her look tacky. Like she was the clothing rack at Old Navy's people used to hook their unwanted items on.

"Good that I've got a stalker on my hands?"

"No," she responded with a roll of her eyes— green and vivid like the lush summer grass— and she scooted over to give him more room on her small twin-sized bed. "You've wanted to kiss a girl for a while, haven't you? Maybe take this as an opportunity to do it."

"Not with _Suzy. _She's gotten _braces _recently, and I don't want my lips caught between a metal contraption! It'd practically be a fight for life and death."

Lily laughed, used to his wild exaggerations, and she rolled over on her side to look at him. "I think that'll only happen if she tries to _eat_ you."

James felt affronted, and he was sure that she knew it too, if her face was of any indication. "Please don't give her any ideas."

"Like she's peeping through the window and taking notes as we speak," Lily said wryly, unable to remove that grin from her face, and because it was such a contagion, it only made James smile just as hard.

"Don't downplay my dilemma. I really reckon that my first kiss with someone should be special. Not with… yeah."

"Yeah?" Lily repeated teasingly. "Would it be any different if Melisa Frey had been the one making googly eyes at you?"

"And if the fittest bloke in our year did the same to you?"

Lily drew an eyebrow at him. "I don't suppose you mean objectively, do you? Only that would mean that title belongs to Sirius, and we both know—"

"Sirius isn't your type," James finished lamely for her. "Do you even _have _a type?"

"You mean _not _Sirius?" Lily replied, and James let out a light laugh. "I think I have better things to worry about than stupid boys."

"Oi, as representative of the male species, I take offence to that."

"And if that was my intent?"

James narrowed his eyes at her, his vision zeroing in on the freckles dusting her nose. "You're cold, Lily Evans."

"But you're not leaving."

"That'd make me a shit best friend, _and _more importantly—" Lily rolled her eyes lighthearted at that. "I'd have no one to talk about my troubles with."

"You've got Sirius?"

"And you don't think I've already tried? He told me to kiss his arse when I mentioned Suzy."

In those moments, James was really bloody glad that he had best friends of both genders. There were some things that the other _just _couldn't offer him, but despite being completely different people, Sirius and Lily balanced the other out. While Sirius was awful at generally giving advice, Lily compensated for his empathetic— or lack thereof— side greatly. _Plus, _she knew a great deal about girls, being that she was one herself.

Hold on.

_She _was a girl.

He didn't understand how he hadn't realised before. Since she'd started seeing developments in the— er— upper chest area, which he embarrassingly noticed, he didn't get how it hadn't come to him before.

He looked at her with a profound revelation, which she was quick to notice, and she looked back at him with alarm. "What? What is it? Are you all right there?"

James sat up, reaching for her hands, and she retracted them as her confusion visibly grew more and more. "Lily, I hope you realise that you're very special to me…"

Her eyebrows remained resolved to stay tightly scrunched together. "Get on with it, Potter."

"And if you're fine with it," he continued, gulping loudly and hoping that this wouldn't end in her clawing his eye out. "You could... bemyfirstkiss?"

The distance between her eyebrows only grew smaller and smaller as they continued to knit together. "I don't think I heard you right. Could you repeat that?"

He let out a breath he didn't realise he was holding. "Buggering— It was a stupid idea. Nevermind."

"The only thing that's stupid is that you're backing out. You know you could tell me anything, James."

"No. It's really—"

"James," she said, in a tone that made it finalised and was to warrant no debate. "You really want me to be your first kiss?"

"It's stupid, I know."

She shook her head. "I've never kissed anyone either. And thinking about it… I suppose it makes sense, right? I mean, you're my best friend, and I'd rather it be you than Leo McMillan."

His eyes glanced over her, and she was twirling her hair nervously and avoiding eye contact with him. "I… agree. With all of it. Even the Leo bit— not that he'd have even been an option for me in the first place, but you know what I mean."

She smiled shyly, and it was in the instant that James Potter realised that Lily Evans was such a _girl. _And of course, that was a fact that he'd always known from the back of his head, but he'd never grouped her in a category with one of _them. _

She was always just Lily.

Lily, who never hesitated to get her hands dirty when it was necessary. Lily, who somehow had the power to simultaneously rib and compliment him. Lily, who had the _coolest _fucking hair he'd ever seen on anyone— with the exception of himself, and, if one certain member of the house of Black were to interject, Sirius.

He'd just never seen her so _shy. _It was cute, he thought. _She _was cute.

"Are we really doing this, then?" Lily asked, and he merely nodded, not wanting to admit that he had absolutely _no _idea what to do.

Where did his hands go? On her waist? Could he even _touch _her there without it being weird? No, he was about to _kiss _her. Of course it wasn't going to be bloody weird. But what if she decided to unconsent to it? It'd only devastate their relationship.

James decided to play it safely, using his hands to cup her cheeks gently and feeling his breathing get more and more ragged as the seconds ticked by. "Just a word of warning, I haven't got any practice in this."

Her lips drew upwards in slight disbelief, and she giggled softly. "I know, James. I don't either."

He nodded stiffly, his eyes probably the size of the moon right now. And if that was the case, then _her _eyes were roughly equivalent to that of the sun's. "Just to let you know."

"James," she said, her green eyes flickering up to his lips. How could eyes be that _green? _"Please just kiss me."

"If you say so."

With one swooping motion, he leaned down, ignoring the throbbing pain that had come with their heads suddenly knocking against each other, and pressed his lips against hers.

In hindsight, it probably would have gone a _lot _more smoothly if he'd taken his glasses off first, given that an extra set of eyes was not needed when he smashed his eyes closed before their lips had even touched— his _second _mistake, really. Because what sort of idiot closed their eyes before even knowing where his lips were to land?

James pulled away in embarrassment, hoping that the ground would just up and swallow him whole. While he didn't expect it to be a great kiss, he didn't expect it to be the _worst _kiss either. Lily, of course, didn't seem to think the same. She _laughed _instead.

She _laughed. _At _him. _Like it wasn't embarrassing enough. She pulled his glasses off his face, presumably to make fun of his shit vision, and the lenses fell against the bed with a soft _thud. _The next thing he knew, she was kissing him once again. Only this time, it actually _felt _like what a kiss was supposed to feel now that she'd taken the lead.

His hands unglued themselves from her face, drifting down to trace her soft curves instead, and they stopped at her waist. This wasn't so bad. It was nice. Brilliant. _Perfect._

When they pulled away— who had withdrawn from the other first?— he couldn't help the grin that was stretching across his face.

Something seemed to have changed in the atmosphere, and the more that James looked at her, the prettier she was. Lily Evans was dead pretty. With her long hair stopping shortly over her waist, she was far prettier than the likes of Melisa Frey, than any celebrity that James idolised, than _anyone. _And maybe that was just the sort of thoughts that one had after they'd just managed to _kiss _someone, but something about the situation told James that just wasn't it.

He'd spent so many of his afternoons on this same bed with her, never once thinking that the time they spent together was strange, but now… How did it look to outsiders? For a boy and a girl to be lying so closely to each other, sharing personal aspects of their lives with each other and sometimes even _sleeping _innocently with one another when the nights grew too dark?

He was fourteen, and only just recently exposed to the cheesy romance movies that his mum frequently put on the telly, but even _that _made him start to question what their relationship—

_Fuck._

It was only a kiss, for goodness' sake.

It didn't have to mean that the kiss had to _have _any meaning.

In that moment, he was happy. _They _were happy.

Lily reached down to pick up his glasses, slipping them onto his face gently as his vision came together, and there sat the redhead, shining as brilliantly as he was. And, even more, she was _still _pretty in his eyes. "Best first kiss you've ever had, then?"

"You're the _only _first kiss I could ever have," he retorted, feeling his smile gushing out in her words. "But yeah. It was… something."

"Something," she repeated, and she smiled even more. "Is that a good something or a bad something?"

"Good," James answered, though his smile wavered slightly as another thought struck him. "This doesn't change anything between us, does it?"

"No, of course not, James," she said easily. "I'd never do anything if it meant that it'd jeopardise our friendship."

"Good, good," he stated once again, not sure why he felt properly disappointed at her words. He _didn't _want their friendship to be ruined over a kiss, so why did he feel this way? Deciding that he'd drop the topic, he flopped back down on the bed, peering up at her over his lenses. "So, tell me about your day."

"Besides the fact that I kissed my best friend today? It was a bit boring."

"Have you considered poking Petunia with a stick? See if she'll do anything?"

"Not if I want to unleash the Kraken."

"And what about tomorrow?"

The corner of her lip curved, and she flopped down beside him. "I doubt future Lily would want to die at the hands of her sister."

James laughed. "It _would _be a horrible way to die."

And even though they'd diverted from the original topic, James knew that something had truly shifted between them.

* * *

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	2. Chapter 2

_April 14, 2011_

Growing up, Lily had always been taller than James.

It was a fact that she always held over his head— no pun intended— and even though she'd only outdone him by a mere two inches, it was still something she prided herself in. That was, until they turned fourteen, when certain new milestones had been reached, and their heights had begun to even out.

And then James kept growing and growing after that.

It was as if he'd been stretched out like Violet had been in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and now, it seemed, he was finally getting her back for all of those times that she'd always teased him about it. 'Who's the short one now?' he'd tell her, and she was sure that she'd have neck problems craning her head up to look at him.

James's height wasn't the only thing that was changing about him.

His voice was getting deeper, transitioning into the kind that he'd poorly imitated when they were younger. Even more so, the sound of his new pleasant voice was now having some sort of profound, unwanted effect on Lily, but she was able to laugh it off because his voice would almost always break in the midst of a serious conversation.

That apparently wasn't enough. In the past few months, James had been getting much more attractive, and his messy hair was becoming the weak points for many girls at their school.

If she was being honest, he'd always been cute, but when it was apparent that his shirts were getting tighter and tighter from all those late nights he'd spent practicing for his football matches, well… Lily was an average teenage girl. Of course she'd notice that her best friend was growing out of the awkward stage and moving into the hearts of many girls alike.

And with hearts came heart break.

The amount of times they'd comforted each other over a failed relationship was far more times than Lily could have imagined, but it didn't stop James from trying. She knew that he was bound to run into the perfect girl sooner or later. Boys like James deserved that at the very least.

Turning the corner, she quite literally ran into him, letting out a soft sound of surprise, and he instinctively steadied her. "Woah! You all right there, Lily?"

She couldn't pinpoint when exactly it had started, but recently, she'd been feeling a strange sensation in her chest every time she so much as touched James. Shrugging, she replied, "Not anything I couldn't handle."

He relaxed, reaching for her bag that she'd yet to put on. "You got that?"

"It's a school bag, not a sack of bricks," she retorted, but he still took it from her, swinging it over his shoulder as it joined his own bag. It was hard to keep up with him now, his strides getting wider because of his insufferably long legs, and Lily was sure that she'd be out of breath by the time they left the building.

"Melisa Frey told me she wanted to go to the dance as my date," he said casually now that they'd started their pace, and she held in her surprise. From the way he was talking, she knew there was a catch to it.

"But…?"

"But she thinks that since we, as in you and I, are a thing—"

"She thinks we're what?"

"Dating. Fornication—"

Lily blanched. "Please don't use that second word when describing us ever again. It makes us..."

"Sound like deer?" he finished with a wry cock of his head. "I happen to like deer. Quite majestic, they are."

"Did you tell her that we're only friends?" she asked him, suppressing any amusement she might have found in his statement. "I really don't want to be the reason you can't go to the dance with the fittest girl in our year."

"Second."

Lily blinked. "Sorry?"

"She's the second fittest girl in our year."

"Then who's the—"

"Nevermind that. You're not against it?" Perhaps she'd heard it wrong, but she swore that there was the slightest bit of disappointment in his tone.

"Against my best friend maybe giving love another shot?"

"Against everyone thinking that you're dating your best friend."

Her heart did an annoying jolt at his words. "I didn't realise you cared for that kind of stuff," Lily said, feeling the long-anticipated breeze from outside wash over the two of them as they finally stepped out of the school building. She brushed her newly-cut hair from her face and tucked it behind her ears. "We've gone to dances together as friends before. Is this really that different? Rumors are just rumors."

"No, I don't reckon it is," he answered truthfully with a sigh. "But we can't keep making people think that we're an item. It's unfair to you."

"It's unfair to both of us," she pointed out with a wry grin. "But message received. You're sick of being tied down to your best friend. I get it."

"You know that's not what I mean, Lily. You're my best friend. I'll always put you first."

"First and after the gorgeous supermodel that you'll eventually marry and have five kids with," Lily teased, and he rolled his eyes at her, a light grin on his face.

"Are you saying that I'll marry you?"

She rolled her eyes. "I think you have a skewed idea of what a gorgeous supermodel looks like."

"Maybe," he agreed noncommittally. "And maybe not five. Eight sounds more like it."

"You'd actually have to be having sex to do that."

"We'd have loads of that," James replied, a devious glint in his eyes. "Fornicating, if you will."

"Stop," she laughed. "I'd really rather not hear my friend's future and currently-nonexistent sex life."

"But I have to listen to your monthly menstrual routines? Double standards, Evans."

"That was one time, and you were the only person available who could have ran out to the store for me!"

"You know I'll always run out to the store at ten at night to fetch some lady products for you," he grinned, taking immense pride in her embarrassment. "So what do you reckon we should do for the dance?"

"You mean what you should do for the dance?"

James shook his head. "Would be a shit move of me to find a date but not set you up with one too."

Lily patted his arm. "You really don't have to worry about me, James. I might have already said yes to someone?"

He looked surprised at her words, blinking with his mouth slightly agape. "You… To who?"

"Leo McMillan," she answered with a light smile, and he merely stared at her for a few moments before fixing the expression on his face. James scratched his head.

"McMillan's a cool bloke. The coolest. He's… great," he said unconvincingly.

"Somehow, I don't quite believe that's the case to you."

"It is! It is," he said in an attempt to save face. "You can go with whoever you bloody like, as long as he's not the creepy type like Sniv— some people."

"Thank you for your approval," she deadpanned but brushed it off with another smile. "Promise me you'll talk to Melisa again?"

"'Course," he said, and she gave him a quick hug, his arms immediately moving over to hug her back.

"I'll talk to you later, then?"

"That's always the plan," he said, and she smiled one last time before leaving.

She didn't want to admit that the plan didn't exactly sit right with her.

* * *

_April 29, 2011_

If James was being honest, he really didn't want to go to the dance with Melisa Frey.

Pulling up into Lily Evans's driveway should have meant that he was going with Lily, not just picking her up and dropping her off at the front of the school for her bloody fucking Prince Leo to come scoop her up. They'd gone to loads of dances together, even if as just friends, but it was going to be the first time that they probably weren't going to stay glued at the hip at.

And honestly, what the fuck did she see in Leo?

Shut up, James. He had a date himself.

Besides, he didn't have the power to stop it, and Melisa was gorgeous, so he really needed to stop being a broody teenager and just live his life.

He rang the doorbell, using his reflection in the glass to straighten his tie out, and he nearly groaned aloud at the mess on top of his head known as his hair. It was a universally known fact that his hair was uncooperative, but today, it was being an extra arse.

The door clicked open soon afterwards, and his mouth dropped to the ground at just how breathtakingly beautiful she was. Time only made Lily Evans more and more gorgeous. He picked his mouth up, finding the right words to say to her and ruffled his hands through his hair. "Hey, stranger."

"Stranger?" she repeated with a laugh. "This makeup doesn't make me look that much more different, does it?"

"I'm sorry, could you direct me to Lily Evans?" he teased. How he could remain so calm when his heart was in the midst of a hurricane was beyond him. "The last time I checked, she lived here."

Her laugh had only gotten louder in pitch. "Oh my goodness. Shut up, you prat."

James grinned at her. "You look gorgeous, you know."

"Thank you, though I'm sure that's just something you've grabbed from the list of obligatory phrases you've got to say to your best friend."

"If that's the case, you've got to return the favour and compliment me back. Sincere or not."

Lily smiled. "You look handsome James. Sincerely."

"Oh, that's just gonna inflate my ego now," he said, and he cocked his head at her. "Are you ready to go?"

"Ready when you are," she replied, giving him a half smile. He jutted his elbow out towards her, and she linked their arms together, an action that was strongly familiar to the two of them.

Of course, when Mum was involved, she never failed to waste another half hour taking pictures of the two of them, even with James's protests that they weren't going as the other's date. Still, it was something he was secretly thankful for, and he'd end up framing the best picture in his room a few days later.

The drive to the dance was peaceful, the radio blaring the same top hits of that year over and over, and in that time, James could pretend like there was nothing wrong in that moment. With the two off them bursting their greatest rendition of Rolling in the Deep, it didn't feel like anything was amiss.

But as soon as the front of their school came into view, there was a tap at the door, and James turned to see none other than stupid fucking Leo in his stupid fucking suit.

"Potter," the blonde nodded.

"Leonardo," James returned, vaguely aware of Lily opening the door and stepping out of it. He stepped out himself, watching Lily catch up with the bloke, and when he caught her eye, he motioned that he'd be leaving the two of them to their own devices. There wasn't much he could have done anyway. He had his own date that he had to attend to.

It was easy enough to find Melisa, who was very gorgeous by the way, with the light hitting her blue eyes and making the sequins on her dress sparkle. "Hey. You look really pretty, if no one's told you yet," James said, and she beamed up at him.

"You don't look so bad yourself," she replied lightheartedly, and she took his hand, guiding him inside.

The sound of the same music that had been blaring on his car stereo was now blasting at his ears once again, only this time, it wasn't just him and Lily singing along. It was the entire bloody school. He turned to Melisa to ask if she wanted a drink, only for her to beat him to it, only with an inquiry of dancing rather than for a drink.

"Do you want to dance?" she asked, and with the laughter evident on the faces on the dancefloor, how could he say no?

"Ah, you're a dancer, then," James observed, and he held a hand out for her. "Lead the way, my lady."

She laughed, pulling him onto the dancefloor, and the next thing he knew, she was stepping very close to him. He was very much aware of the way she was moving up against him and how good it felt, but as he'd never been in this sort of situation before, he had no idea what to do. Looking across the room, he made eye contact with Lily, who merely flashed him a thumbs up as she danced in a very Lily-esque way. Way to be helpful, Lily.

Maybe he should just dance along. He was on the dance floor. At a dance. Dancing should have been a requirement.

He was here to have fun, and so fun was what he'd be having.

Getting lost in the crowd, he danced to the beat of the song, spurred on by Melisa's own encouragements. One song ended, and then another, and then ten more.

He'd never felt so alive in his life, and using the epinephrine coursing through his veins as his own little liquid courage, he pulled her close to him and kissed her.

It wasn't awkward like the first time he'd ever kissed anyone, and a bit of experience in the matter made it feel about a million times better. Even though his heart was beating out of his chest, it wasn't enough to make his confidence waver.

She wasted no moment in returning the kiss, and he ignored the static sounds of the people around them. It wasn't by all means perfect, but fucking hell was she a good kisser. Melisa knew exactly what she was doing, and so who was James to stop her?

And if he was honest right now, he regretted regretting being Melisa's date to the dance.

* * *

June 27, 2011

31.

In the time that Lily had placed a crumb from her granola bar down onto the stone pavement, 31 tiny little ants had come to take their share of the treasured piece, carrying it away on their tiny bodies and disappearing from Lily's sight.

31 ants, and James still wasn't here.

Granted, it was obvious where James was off to right now. Ever since the night of the dance, he'd always been off and away somewhere sucking face with Melisa Grey, nevermind the fact that they'd never had a proper conversation— unless what they did with their lips was considered talking. Lily wouldn't have been surprised if James had gone through an entire transformation in that time. That was how little she was seeing him.

Lily had arrived at James's doorstep with her hair cascading down her shoulders— approximately thirty minutes, give or take— and after undergoing a fishtail braid, Dutch, French, and any other nationality that a braid could have had, her hair was now in a messy, side-swept braid. And still no James.

Sirius had answered the door when she'd knocked— his face was going to be a lot more frequent in her life now that he'd moved in to the Potter household— and even though he'd pestered her at her wit's end, it had been far better than watching the ants.

James would be here soon. It was their time. It'd always been their time since they were kids, and he was ruining the tradition for someone who quite possibly could have been his first kiss in another timeline.

She forced herself to snap out of her thoughts.

He deserved to be with whoever he wanted. Even if that someone wasn't the most fitting for him. Even if that someone wasn't intellectual stimulating or bringing out the best in him— unless one counted bringing out his best snogging skills. It was all up to James, not Lily.

But despite that, despite the fact that they were getting older and beginning to give their time to other people, Lily still felt selfish wanting James to spare her the same time he'd always reserved for her.

They'd been in relationships before, but they'd never blown the other off for a relationship. That was an unspoken rule between the two of them.

The sound of footsteps captured her attention, and as she looked up, the footsteps grew heavier. "Lily!"

She rose from the step. "Potter."

His eyebrows shot up into his hairline at her use of his last name, but he didn't comment on it "Hey. I hope I didn't keep you waiting for too long."

"Nope," Lily said, shaking her head with a false cheery smile. "Only for the most of half an hour."

He cursed. "Sorry. I didn't even realise the time. Was too busy—"

"Shagging Melisa?" Lily finished sharply, and he winced.

"No! No. We didn't— we haven't 'shagged', as you so put it. Ever. We just..."

"Snogged? Right, because that makes it so much better," Lily responded with a roll of her eyes, and she enclosed her hand around the doorknob, looking back at him with a raised eyebrow. He took the message and unlocked it, and she stepped inside, letting the door close on him.

"You're mad," he observed behind her, and she clapped her hands.

"That's where you're wrong. You're mad, James Potter."

"For fuck's sake, Lily." He suddenly took hold of her hand, swiveling her around so that she was facing him. "Listen. I'm really bloody sorry for being late to the ceremonious Potevans meet for the day, but Melisa wanted me to have lunch with her family. They were celebrating a promotion her dad got recently, and she wanted to invite me. I thought you'd understand, and—"

"You could have told me beforehand," Lily cut him off, but she could feel guilt quickly building inside of her for her horrible thoughts. Her cold facade cracked. "I'm sorry, James. For assuming the worst of you."

He shrugged. "I would have done the same. It's not your fault."

"The thing is, I didn't realise that we weren't going to be kids forever," she revealed to him, opening the door to his bedroom and letting the smell that was completely James linger over her nose. She sat down on his bed, the duvet with the football patterns now replaced with a solid rich red colour. "I know we're getting older, but it's no fun when my best friend isn't by my side. I mean, we've promised to be sitting at the very front of each other's weddings. To be the godparents of the other's first child."

James sat down beside her, securing an arm around her, and she rested her head on his shoulder, just like they'd always done in the past. "I'll always have time for you, Lily. I— You still stayed by my side even after that Snape incident. I'd be a right arse if I tossed you off to the side. You wouldn't deserve that."

"Maybe not," she agreed, allowing her eyes to flutter shut as she buried her face deeper into his shoulder, and she took a deep breath, taking in James's strong intoxicating scent. "I don't want to grow up, James."

"Me neither. Don't really like the idea of having to file taxes and getting big-people jobs."

"And dealing with societal pressures to fall in love and get married."

"Oi. Nothing wrong with that," James said. "It's one of the things I'm actually looking forward to."

Lily popped open an eye and looked at him curiously before closing it once again. "I'm sure it'll be no pressure for you. You've got a big heart."

"And a big—"

"Please don't finish that," she sighed, suddenly thinking of James and some Gigi Hadid-like woman walking down the aisle together. Somehow, just the thought sickened her rather than brought a smile to her face.

"A big brain to boot," he finished with a grin, and she opened her eyes just to roll them at him.

"There's quite a difference between having a big brain and having a big head."

"And I of all people should know?"

"Precisely," she teased.

"That's cold," he replied, pouting at her, and she reached out, wiping it literally off of his face. "Only the nicest person in the world would make an exception for me."

"Then I suppose that makes you special," Lily said, her lip curving up at a corner. "But I don't suppose I'm as great as you make me out to be."

James shook his head. "Nah. It's true. You're like… walking sunshine. So bloody nice to everyone and everything you meet."

"And what about you?" she asked, tilting her head up at him. "You're the noblest boy in the world."

"Doubt nobility is something that's as needed as kindness," James responded, his ears flushing red at her compliment. Lily lived for the moments when he was so vulnerable like he was right now, letting his walls down for her to see.

"It's always needed. The world needs more James Potters."

"Only if they've got an equal number of Lily Evans to match."

Her smile grew wider at his words.

Of course the universe would take care of that.

* * *

find me on tumblr lovesickjily! to be continued


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